Why Her Body Says Yes When Her Head Says No When It Comes to Women’s Sexuality
Her date’s body screams, “Let’s get it on!” while her head says, “I don’t think so,” according to a Mindy McCready song.
Any woman who has been in this circumstance may have remorse about her “Yes” decision. She shouldn’t, though—not when her mind shouts “No.” Women’s yes/no sex conflicts, according to scientists, come from the very heart of their biological processes. It’s not something that comes to mind when ladies think about it. In fact, studies reveal that a woman will have the maybe-yes/maybe-no discussion up to 20% of the time when she is sexually aroused.
Perspective on the YES/NO Sexual Debate
Let’s look at how men and women vary or are similar in terms of mental vs. physiological arousal.
1. Sexual Arousal Is Just Half of the Battle
Sexual interactions aren’t formed in a vacuum. Unless you and your partner are actively pursuing a no-strings-attached relationship. Of course, there are occasions when no-strings-attached does not work out, and a person feels terrible as a result. That’s because you’ll slip up and become emotionally engaged, causing you to feel guilty.
When you’re intimate with a partner, you can experience five different types of relationship feelings: sexual, in-love, companionship, feeling like a pair, and wanting to assist each other. This is why, biologically, sex does not always occur in a state of mental and emotional numbness.
2. Women Consider a Sexual Situation from Two Perspectives
As a result, there are two perspectives on a sexual situation: physical and mental. These two viewpoints are the result of two biological processes that are semi-independent. As a result, it’s common for a woman to have mixed thoughts regarding sex on occasion.
Her arousal levels in her body do not correspond to her mental state. In certain cases, a woman may be so preoccupied with the emotions that arise from her cognitive process that she fails to realize that she is becoming physically aroused.
3. Women Experience Excitement on a Conditional Basis.
Women’s emotional desires for sex are largely determined by the circumstances in which they find themselves. “Is it safe, secure, non-hostile, fascinating, or just plain cool?” is a natural question for a woman to ask. In general, a woman’s connection is important.
This is why women are interested about males being cooperative, pleasant, and helpful. These factors contribute to sexuality becoming an intimate emotional act shared with a specific partner. In other words, unless a woman suppresses her emotions in order to have a sexual experience free of attachment sentiments, sex is typically individualized.
4. Men have less contradictory feelings about sex than women do.
Men’s emotional responses are frequently better matched with their bodily responses than women’s. As a result, a man’s erection is usually difficult to argue against.
Men, understandably, are sensitive to the emotional side of sexual relationships. However, guys do not pay as much attention to the distinction between their emotional and bodily sensations as women do. Furthermore, when compared to women, males are generally less emotionally invested in a potential mate.
5. Men pay more attention to sexuality as a whole.
When contrasted to a woman’s response, some men’s awareness is more self-focused. This might convey the idea that males need to be in command of sexual activity–as if testosterone drives them to be aggressive sexually.
Sexual aggression, on the other hand, has nothing to do with testosterone levels. Aggression, on the other hand, is a result of a man’s ideals and life experiences. Aggressiveness is not a natural masculine trait. When a man badgers and guilt-trips a woman into having sex, she should not change her mind. This is nothing more than a display of a man’s claimed self-control.
6. Some guys have a low level of emotional involvement.
When men fall in love, they get emotionally invested, and the friendship or family-feeling buttons are pressed. A guy may not realize his emotional participation in a sexual relationship until after it has occurred. When men and women experience orgasm, bonding hormones are released.
7. How to Handle YES-NO Sexual Cues
A woman can always just alter her personality to suit a man’s sexual desires. She shouldn’t have to, either. A lady who is experiencing the Yes-No argument is not ready for sex. She requires time and privacy in order to comprehend what she is thinking and feeling. She can’t change a man’s erection, but she can talk around it. For the time being, her best option is to change the subject and go on to something else. She can also just remark, “I’m not prepared for this.” Sometimes all a lady needs to do is get up and go. The Yes/No Debate Becomes Easier as Women Grow Older.
8. Sex Addiction and Dominance
When a woman expresses an unwillingness to have sex, some men refuse to listen. They will pest and hound you because they are looking for a quick sex “fix” to relieve their frustration, rage, and impotence. Or they like exploiting and injuring women and believe they have the right to do so. For them, sex is about the assertion of male dominance and the use of force, not about the woman. For many young men today, this is changing. One-fifth of their girlfriends are better off financially than they are. This alters the character of certain sexual interactions, as women become more insistent on having their wants satisfied.
9. Women’s sexual responses are based on who and what they are.
Women are the result of their life experiences and intuition. Sexual decisions become more personal as a result of this. Because of the hookup culture’s peer pressure, a woman is not required to have sex. People are frequently unsatisfied with the sensations left behind by a one-time sexual encounter. It’s fine to say “No” to peer pressure.
Ben-Zeév, A. Is sexual desire an emotion? Psychology Today, np. Downloaded on 12-30-2018 fromhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-love/200811/is-sexual-desire-emotion.
Chivers, M. L. & Brotto, L. A. (2017). Controversies of women’s sexual arousal and desire. European Psychologist, 22(1), 5–26.
Clark, C. (2014). Brain sex in men and women – from arousal to orgasm. Brain Blogger, np. Downloaded on 1-12-2019 from http://brainblogger.com/2014/05/20/brain-sex-in-men-and-women-from-arousal-to-orgasm/.
Kidd, B. (2009). Low Stress Romance. The Romantic Relationship Institute, Portland, Oregon.
What exactly is the essence of female sexuality?
Why, once in a stable relationship, is sex no longer at the top of women’s priorities? I examine if we have unreasonable expectations about our sex drive, who determines what is normal and abnormal, and if ‘low libido’ is in reality the natural order of things as I investigate what characterizes women’s libido and why it becomes drained. I also offer tangible suggestions for how women may define their own jouissance—a unique female sexuality that can lead to a more sensuous, lively existence.
1. Don’t believe the hype: our sexuality varies depending on our culture.
Culture and history both influence sexuality. A woman who enjoyed sex, for example, could have been considered mentally ill a century ago, but nowadays, if you don’t enjoy sex, you might be labeled as dysfunctional. With this in mind, terms that pathologize sexual diversity should be regarded with caution.
2. Our drive to be attractive outweighs our want to be attractive.
The impact of media and advertising on women’s self-esteem is widely documented, but it also has an impact on our sexual self-esteem. Women often come to regard themselves, and even their genitalia, as unfit because they don’t fit the physical ideal.
Many women like to seem to be having sex rather than actually having it. We’re too preoccupied with seeking beauty to want to kiss it. Too preoccupied with achieving the appearance of attractiveness to want. Our animal instincts have been reversed, with time spent preening taking precedence over time spent mating and enjoying sexual pleasure.
3. Get rid of the boot loader plot.
For the most part, passionate monogamy guarantees lust-for-ever. However, we have unreasonable expectations when it comes to relationships. In reality, sexual intensity naturally diminishes throughout the course of a relationship, as we age, face life responsibilities, and have children. Despite the fact that passion might dampen love, it is possible to keep love alive and well.
4. Low female desire is, in fact, ‘normal.’
Women are conditioned to believe that having a low libido indicates that something is wrong with them. Women with chronic low libido are now diagnosed with hypoactive sexual desire disorder, a form of female sexual dysfunction (HSDD). The problem is that many of the researchers who came up with the vague definition have financial links to drug firms.
I contend that having a tepid interest in sex and rarely initiating it is quite typical in a long-term monogamous relationship. Low libido is a natural state of affairs for many women, not a disease.
5. The ostensibly sexless union
Consider the current definition of a “sexless marriage,” which is defined as a partnership in which the pair has sex no more than ten times per year. Really? Couples who have been together for ten years and have experienced the highs and lows of life have sex virtually every month. Instead of slapping a bad label on them, I say, “Good for them.”
6.The hand that rocks the cradle isn’t the same hand that rocks the bed.
One-third of couples report severe sexual loss after having children, according to research. Parents, for example, reported poorer marital happiness than non-parents in ninety research, and there was a substantial connection between marital discontent and the number of children.
7. There are several different types of sexual primes.
Women often have decreased desire as they become older owing to a variety of causes, including sickness (both their partners’ and their own) and self-image difficulties. Although many of us are familiar with the concept of sexual prime in terms of the physical—body, genitals, and hormones—it is not the complete picture. There is also an emotional prime, which is linked to spirit, maturity, and life flexibility. Physical and emotional aspects are inextricably linked, resulting in surprising and stimulating interactions. In their older years, many women experience a sexual renaissance. Thankfully, sexual prime may occur at any age.
8. The hunt for pink Viagra.
In a rush to develop a “pink Viagra,” a worldwide sex medication for women, pharma firms have been busy attempting to unravel the intricacies of human sexuality. A variety of medicines aimed at increasing female libido are now being investigated. Creams, patches, sprays, and tablets that target genital blood flow, hormones, or brain chemistry are examples of such medications.
Female sex medicines are now unavailable for purchase at your local drugstore. Many are presently being tested for the second or third time, while the majority have been flatly rejected by the FDA because they are not deemed safe or effective enough for general use. This hasn’t prevented doctors from giving off-label drugs:
Using legal medications for uses that haven’t been approved. One major league researcher put it this way: “An uncontrolled clinical study on the safety of testosterone is now taking place in the community.”
9. Sexuality that is unrestricted. Female sexuality is still a mystery in many respects.
It’s unreasonable to expect us to have a similar sex drive since experts can’t agree on what defines female sexual dysfunction, what constitutes female sexual dysfunction, or if women have a distinct sexual peak. This difficulty to establish what is ‘normal’ may provide sanctuary for women who no longer care about sex, or for those who never did. Perhaps we can use this to stop comparing our sexuality to other people’s.
Perhaps we can utilize this to stop comparing our sexuality to that of others and instead focus on pursuing our own sexual path.
Furthermore, there has never been a culture in which women were free to explore and experiment with their sexuality without fear of being judged. We don’t fully comprehend female sexuality’s full potential, unrestricted range.
Getting sexy again.
If we want to explore a wide range of techniques and practices in order to satisfy our entire sex desire, we can. Mindfulness or stillness exercises are used by certain people. Another innovative strategy is to establish distance, which is especially crucial since that couples are spending more time together than ever.
There are techniques to create a sense of risk that has been proved biochemically to increase sexual desire for individuals wanting intensity. Our libido can be redirected from other pursuits for those of us who lead busy lives. Whatever path we take, let us strive to define our own jouissance: a unique feminine sexuality. According to my book Sex Drive: In Pursuit of Female Desire (Allen & Unwin), this process is not only attainable but also freeing, leading to a more sensuous life.