Top 7 Reasons You Cheated On Your Spouse
It’s all too tempting to assume that all ‘cheaters’ are bad guys who prey on the weak and vulnerable in order to satisfy their carnal desires. However, there is always a second side to every tale.
It was impossible for you to refrain from doing so.
At the moment, everything seemed so natural.
And it suddenly seems completely out of place.
Although it goes without saying that being betrayed in a monogamous relationship is a terrible blow to one’s ego and emotions, there is always another side to the sad narrative.
You are on the right track.
What Does It Mean to “Cheat”?
Cheating is defined as any sexual, sensual, or personal act performed with someone other than your spouse in monogamy. It doesn’t make a difference whether you’re a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or wife. Cheating is cheating, regardless of the circumstances.
You’re not supposed to do anything to anybody else that you wouldn’t do to your aunt.
You and your spouse, however, determine the rules in any monogamous relationship. What one person considers to be cheating, another may not.
Cheating may take several forms, according to relationship experts:
If you have sexual relations with someone who isn’t your spouse, this is considered adultery.
Acts of lust (such as oral sex and sensual touching)
Video sex using Skype
Messages/images containing sexual content
Intimacy of feeling
Hugs and snuggles that last a long time
Pornography (highly debated)
Being on a dating app like Tinder or Bumble without informing your spouse (even if it’s just for the attention) is a big no-no.
To summarize, you’ve messed up if you breached an agreement you made with your spouse at the start of the relationship, regardless of what it was. You slipped past them. You took advantage of the situation.
What Does It Say About You If You Cheat?
The reality is, you’re not a monster, despite the fact that there are hundreds of breakup songs from the victim’s perspective that will make you feel like one. People cheat for a variety of reasons. Don’t be fooled into thinking that simply because you cheated, you’re automatically a bad person.
It’s often easier to be the victim than it is to be the offender, particularly if you’re actually a lovely person who has done something “wrong.”
This isn’t a case of avoiding responsibility. You did something deceptive at the end of the day, and deception in any form isn’t desirable. For everyone concerned, it’s a pain in the neck.
However, your actions speak volumes about you. It’s a symptom that something in your inner world (beliefs, values, and emotions) isn’t lining up with your outward world (your relationship).
If the words ‘Yeah, but WHY did I cheat?’ have crossed your mind, keep reading.
People Cheat for a Reason.
There are seven primary reasons individuals cheat in monogamous relationships, according to an exhaustive research published in The Journal of Sex Research. The following are examples of these:
Insecurity about oneself
Core requirements that are not being satisfied
wrath (a sense of justice)
Issues around commitment
Desire for sex
a yearning for change
Going through a breakup
Do you agree with any of these reasons for infidelity? Let’s have a look at this in more detail.
Every choice you make in this life will be influenced by your sense of self-worth.
And, although Marianne Williamson was correct in saying that “acting small does not benefit the world,” the fact is that many of us have our self-esteem nailed to the side of the road.
And it isn’t because of you. You were born into a world that was constantly reminding you of your shortcomings and flaws. It’s understandable if you felt compelled to seek further affirmation to fill the huge hole of insecurity. Please excuse the pun.)
#2: Unsatisfied Fundamental Needs
We all have requirements, whether we like it or not.
We have a plethora of them in a love connection. We seek companionship, sex, safety, validation, excitement, development, adventure, comfort, and so on.
And if one of our most pressing needs isn’t supplied by the one person who was meant to provide it, we may seek assistance elsewhere.
To dull their urges, some individuals take Zumba lessons or buy a box of Krispy Kremes to suffocate their unfulfilled sexual demands. When presented with a unique chance, some people look for it in someone else. And before you know it, you’ve cheated on something you never expected to cheat on.
Retaliation (#3) (A Sense Of Justice)
“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice,” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. expressed it best.
We’re not comparing you to a world-class pioneering campaigner to defend your actions, but it’s true that we humans are driven to fairness. In a sense, tit or tat.
Perhaps your boyfriend was the first to cheat on you. They may have physically mistreated you or mentally harassed you. Perhaps they began to see you as a given.
So, despite the fact that two wrongs do not equal a right, we often use the ‘they injured me, so now I’ll hurt them’ strategy to deal with our pain.How to treat acne during puberty
#4: Problems with Commitment
The old standby.
Commitment difficulties are a major contributor to infidelity. Why? Simple. Because the prospect of having sex and intimacy with just one person for the rest of your life gives you the creeps.
So there might be a simple reason. You were never meant to be monogamous in the first place, or you weren’t ready for a relationship, therefore you ended up cheating.
Alternatively, if you’d prefer to work on your commitment difficulties in order to enjoy monogamy in a healthy manner, you may always get help from a therapist.
#5: Sexual Appetite
Sex is akin to cash. It’s possible to have too much of a good thing.
— Literary critic John Updike
Yes. Yes, it is correct.
That phrase encapsulates everything. It’s something that homosapiens can’t get enough of. It’s in the movies, and it’s in the lyrics of 99 percent of all songs ever written. We consider it more than we’d like to acknowledge.
So, if you’ve been in a sexless relationship, starving of the connection you’re made to require and want, it’s logical that your need for closeness pushed you to adultery.
Even if you were having sex in your monogamous relationship, it could not have been hitting the…erm…sweet spot. So you went elsewhere to find passion and pleasure. We’re not arguing what’s right or wrong here; all we’re saying is that it’s understandable.
#6: A Desire for a Wider Range of Experiences
Variety is the spice of life, after all.
And when it’s lacking, life might seem a little boring.
Long-term monogamous partnerships, however, are often plagued by fading sparks and gloomy, threadbare sex life. Of course, it doesn’t have to be this way, and there are plenty of ways to reignite the flame, such as learning tantra together or embarking on new experiences. However, when the supply in the spice cabinet depletes, we become more vulnerable to temptation.
What could be spicier than a fresh new person with a brand new body, a brand new perspective on the world, and a brand new source of validation?
#7: Losing Your Love
The final of the seven reasons for cheating is possibly the most difficult to accept.
We’re sorry to tell you this, but the incredible excitement of falling head over heals with your spouse was never going to last.
Some individuals don’t mind if the glitter fades, and they choose to press through for other reasons such as children, housing, or income. Others choose to reframe their smoldering passionate connection as a soothing camaraderie as time passes…
That is acceptable to some individuals. If you’re not into the thought of spending the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t give you butterflies, it doesn’t make you any less of a “good girl,” “good boy,” or “good non-binary individual.”
So, ask yourself whether you cheated on your lover because you no longer love them.
Is Your Relationship Coming To An End?
Whatever your motivation for cheating on your spouse, now is the moment to stop.
You may either accept that your relationship has reached its end (cheating is a common indicator of this) or you can strive to fix it.
You’re probably sad and lost right now, no matter where you are. Even if society sees you as the love story’s big bad wolf, you need to be supported as well.
In her free Masterclass, Conscious Uncoupling specialist Katherine Woodward Thomas can help you manage your sorrow by teaching you how to:
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