How To Teach Children To Protect Their Boundaries From Harmful Conduct
Educating our children entails pointing out things they can do differently as part of helping them achieve their best. They’re no different from the rest of us when it comes to receiving information that they don’t necessarily want. Although the distinction between criticism that is provided with good intentions and input that damages a child’s self-concept or confidence is significant, it is important to distinguish between the two. Anything that makes a youngster feel ashamed, humiliated, or that they’re’shrinking,’ is harmful.
As parents, we’re here to assist our children develop, so they can take flight and avoid anything that may make them fear their wings are damaged. It’s the people who touch their life that may break their wings, not them.
When an adult is a teacher or parent, it can be especially difficult to remove children from their toxic influence. However, there are things we can do to help strengthen the shield around them, as well as to impart lifelong protective skills. Let’s face it: toxic people will come and go throughout even the healthiest of lives.
Character strength does not seem to be a defense against their toxin. Most of them sneak up on us unnoticed. When that happens, our environment seems a bit darker when we awake.
When it’s time to shut yourself off from a poisonous person’s influence, strength and bravery step in. It’s in all of us to do this, and it’s our responsibility to provide our children with the light they need to discover theirs, as well as the permission and role modeling they need to utilize it.
To begin with, is it really toxic?
Make sure there aren’t any other reasons for your child’s behavior. If so, it’s possible that he or she misinterprets the answer of the instructor. Your youngster is sensitive to the loudness, tone, or abrasiveness of an adult. If the adult behaves in this manner with everyone, it’s not always harmful. It’s not exactly warm and fuzzy, but it’s also not quite poisonous.
Also, be sure your youngster isn’t up to anything that might put them in the public eye. You should ask yourself whether your kid is intentionally disrupting a lesson because he or she has been singled out by an adult. What is the response of the adult? Never respond in a degrading or humiliating way. Talk to your kid and the adult to see whether this is true. Continue to monitor the situation. Toxic individuals use a variety of tactics, including blaming others for their own misbehavior.
The effects of toxic people extend to children as well, so be aware of the warning signs and learn how to go a little further if necessary.
Is the individual in question fully informed?
What information does the adult have to take the best care of your child? Have anything changed at home that could be impacting your child’s behavior? For example. Do you have a youngster that is worried and too sensitive to behavior that would be considered normal by most people? Give the adult the benefit of the doubt on the facts you’ve provided. The majority of people will be grateful for the news, since the last thing a non-toxic person wants to do is unintentionally create trouble.
If the behavior is harmful, then…
If you’ve determined that the youngster isn’t being too sensitive or doing anything wrong, here’s how to keep the small humans in your life (and yourself) safe from those who could cause them to shrink in the near future, as well as those who are toxic today.
Begin by cutting off all financial assistance to the adult.
To support the teacher, another parent, the coach is something we’re encouraged as parents all the time, and although it’s important to do so, there’s a limit to everything. It’s time to remove support from the adult when supporting them becomes encouraging their poisonous behavior (the contamination of the child’s self-esteem or self-concept). Do not agree with the adult and tell your kid that whatever was said or done should not have occurred. It doesn’t matter if it’s a teacher or a coach.
The best way to help kids establish clear boundaries with those who bring them harm.
We often hear the term “boundary,” but what exactly does it mean? In other words, a boundary is the line that separates what belongs to you and what doesn’t. When you have a clear boundary, you can understand that just because someone else believes/feels/says/does something, it doesn’t mean I have to. Some possible phrases are as follows:
‘A boundary is a line that separates us from other people.
We all have one. It’s not visible, yet it exists. You can think of it as an invisible forcefield that shields you from those who are unpleasant to be around – not those who are pleasant to be around most of the time but who can become irritable or angry at times – but rather those who say or do hurtful things to you that you simply don’t deserve to be around.
You have total control over the forcefield that surrounds you.
If you want it to move up or down at certain times, you set the timer. If you want, you may determine what goes in and what doesn’t go in. Whatever happens, you’re the one in charge from now on.
When others point out things you should do differently, you should pay attention and learn from it.
That’s how you become excellent. Some individuals may do or say hurtful things so often that you will never feel happy being around them. Put your forcefield up at that point. To put it another way, it’s an act of great bravery. Respecting other people is vital, but respecting yourself comes first. One method to respect yourself is to build up a forcefield.
Others are beyond our power to influence; nevertheless, we do have the power to decide whether or not we let the hurtful things others say or do harm us. Being a child is exhausting job, but you excel at it.
Everyone, even adults and children, has responsibility for how they treat others. However, the most important person to treat well is oneself. That may include not paying attention to what others have to say about you at other times..
Becoming your own hero means standing up for yourself when others don’t understand the importance of showing kindness and respect. This is critical because you’re amazing – you’re smart, kind, funny, courageous, and powerful – and the world needs every piece of you.’
Toxic behavior is often unintentional.
People do it without giving it a second thought or contemplating that there may be a better way of being. However, although this is not an excuse in and of itself – in fact, it is not — it may be a crucial step in helping your kid understand that the way someone treats them has absolutely nothing to do with them.
Kids have a tendency to believe that grownups know what they’re doing in most situations. Inform them that no one is flawless – and that some grownups are completely clueless when it comes to understanding how to ‘be’ with other people.
Here’s how to get the conversation started:
Was it ever dawned on you that many of the things we do are automatic? People often simply do things because it’s what they’ve always done, and that’s all that matters to them. They don’t even give it a second thought.
This implies that when others are rude and do things that make you feel horrible about themselves, they haven’t taken the time to consider if there could be a better way to go about it. Many times this is due to the lack of adult influence in their life when they were children, resulting in their growing up to do things that aren’t really good for them. When they do something, the habit portion of their brain takes over before the kind part of their brain can say, “Wait, wait, wait.” If you do something to someone, you will cause them pain.’
It is dependent on many various regions of our brain functioning together for our behavior to be effective, and occasionally they do not work together very well. It’s critical to understand that people’s brains may alter throughout time. Someone being nasty to you now does not imply that they will always be mean to you in the future. You do not need to wait for this to occur before putting your forcefield in place, though. Nope. ‘Not in the least.’
‘No!’ When used correctly, it is the most wonderful word in the whole world. It might be difficult to say ‘no’ when it is such a little word, but the truth is that it can be the most courageous and powerful word in the universe when used correctly. It takes a lot of strength and guts to say anything, but you have enough of both. If someone asks you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, incorrect, or embarrassed, it’s perfectly OK to reply ‘No.’ If you’re being asked to do something that will make you feel awful, it might be difficult to express out loud because you’re worried about what other people will think of you. However, if they’re asking you to do something that would make you feel bad, it doesn’t matter what they think of you.
Pay attention to that still, little voice within you. If your body is telling you that something doesn’t feel right, pay attention. I’ll always stand by you on that because I believe in that small voice of yours, and you should believe in it as well.’
Don’t allow them to alter your personality.
Encourage your children to see the significance of retaining their own character and the positive aspects of their personality in the face of circumstances that may cause them to change.
In every person, there is a bully and a hero, and it is critical not to turn into a bully while dealing with bullies. This is not always a simple task.
Despite the fact that you may be feeling down or furious or terrified and want to punish the person who has wronged you, you are better than that. Respecting oneself does not imply that you are disrespectful to other people. Please be considerate. Be considerate. Maintain your composure. However, this does not imply that you have to like them.
It is quite OK to forgive those who have been cruel to you. Even while accepting these individuals back is a kind gesture, it does not obligate you to welcome them back if you do not believe they deserve you to continue your relationship. To begin with, recognize that there are several factors that lead to malicious behavior, and none of them are related to your own characteristics. You’re just fantastic. That is something we are already aware of. People that are cruel were not born that way. Something occurred to cause them to alter their minds. It’s most likely going to be something very bad. Just make sure that doesn’t happen to you.’
Your happiness is not dependent on what other people think of you or how you look.
Nobody will ever know everything about you,’ says the author. If it’s someone who says hurtful things and makes you feel uncomfortable to be around, that kind of person will never get to know the best of you, and they don’t deserve to. “They’ll never know how hilarious you are, how kind you are, how brilliant your way of thinking is, how courageous, clever, and powerful you are, and how crazily fantastic you are to be around when you trust the people you’re with,” says the author.
Maintain your composure.
Your youngster must be confident in your ability to handle this situation. The worst thing you can do is do anything that would make them feel bad about telling you what they did. You’ll undoubtedly feel angry and upset – and that’s entirely acceptable! – but try not to express your feelings to them by becoming angry and upset yourself. You must avoid doing anything that would make them feel as though they have a responsibility to care after you.
Be a spokesperson for them.
We have to be the voice for our children at times, especially in circumstances when theirs is the quieter, gentler, and less strong voice in the connection. Start by being interested and open when speaking with the adult who has been involved: ‘Is there anything my kid is doing that he or she needs to work on?’ Maintain objectivity and specificity by saying something like, ‘I’d want to speak with you about something you may not be aware of…’ without evoking any emotions.
If you can reduce the chances of a defensive response, you will have a better chance of being successful. That means refraining from going on the offensive. You’ll be tempted, but resist the temptation. Maintain your focus on the facts. Communicate whatever knowledge you have regarding how your child’s behavior is harming their ability to work, train, or be: ‘When you do occurs. ‘I appreciate that you may not mean anything by it, and you may not even be aware that it is taking place, but it is not producing the greatest results,’ says the author.
Inquire about the person’s intentions for dealing with the situation in the future. If they are unwilling to do anything, take your concerns to someone in a position of authority above them, or, if possible, remove your kid from their control — they do not deserve to have such power. No adult is required to like your kid, but if they do not, they must keep their feelings to themselves and not share them with the child. And that’s a clear ‘Don’t dispute with me’ to the grown-up. No youngster should be forced to deal with the emotions of an adult in any way.
And when it comes to peer relationships.
Learning that it’s alright to let go of connections is a crucial component of living a full life to the fullest. People who do not deserve us or who are ready to go in a new path are held onto much too frequently by our emotions. There are people who come into our lives who aren’t intended to remain, and if we can get our children to think about this from an early age, they will be lot more powerful and deliberate in their interactions as they become older.
‘Sometimes individuals simply aren’t able to be the way you want them to be, no matter how hard you try. It is quite OK — in fact, it is encouraged – to discontinue friendships that make you feel horrible more than they make you feel happy. It is, in fact, quite crucial. There are people out there who will adore you and like spending time with you exactly as you are, and letting go of the people who make you feel uncomfortable will create place for the people who make you feel comfortable.
You should never fall into the trap of believing that your level of awesomeness is determined by the amount of friends you have.
It doesn’t work like that. In no way, shape, or form. Individuals who have fewer friends might sometimes be the most fantastic individuals you will ever meet — they are only waiting for the perfect people to come along and discover them. And that’s just OK with me. Being on your alone does not imply that you have a mental illness – and it definitely does not imply that you have one at all! If you know what’s right for you and believe in yourself enough to seek out the beautiful qualities about yourself, then you are in for a very fantastic experience with someone.
You will find lots of individuals who will fall head over heels in love with you once they get to know you and who will want to be in your company. They only have to track you down and you track them down, which you will do. But the most essential thing to remember is that you should never remain with bad individuals because you are afraid of being on your own. The feeling of being alone is depressing, but being around the wrong people makes it considerably worse, as well as utterly depressing and entirely dreadful.