Tips for Having More Fun While Having Sexual Contact
You’re about to enjoy the best time of your life—complete with orgasms.
The good news is that you’re not alone in wanting to improve your bedtime routine. The results of a new poll published today by International Communications Research and sponsored by We-Vibe reveal that men and women agree that they desire to make their sex life more playful and enjoyable.
The question is, if the majority of people want greater excitement in bed, why are we still experiencing the same old things in bed.
According to relationship expert Wendy Walsh, Ph.D., author of The 30-Day Love Detox, many couples are reluctant to change a sexual script that is working for them—meaning, both partners are already getting off. Afterward, she explains, “people learn to play each other’s instruments and then they all travel to the same two places.” “However, you get used to it and may become emotionally and physically numb as a result. When this occurs, things just do not function as well as they did before.”
Here are some professional methods to transform your sex life from mediocre to spectacular:
As soon as possible, discontinue the act of faking
If your date turned out to be a boring, you’re not going to claim you had a good time, then why lay in the bedroom while pretending to enjoy yourself? Unless you desire less enjoyable sex, don’t pretend to appreciate something that you don’t really find appealing. A false orgasm, according to Walsh, is never a good idea! The thing he was doing incorrectly is now something he is going to continue doing. Make a point of letting him know when something feels great by saying out or using some fairly clear body language to communicate your excitement. You’ll avoid any misunderstanding about what you truly like doing in bed this way as well. The fact that great sex may be had without an orgasm is also worth mentioning.
Pay No Attention to Your Gut Feelings.
Men are not the only ones that want something different in bed, as the popular belief suggests. As it turns out, according to Walsh’s study, women are even more prone than males to seek for sexual novelty. Make a sex bucket list, get active in every room except your bedroom, have sex first thing in the morning before work, or even check into a hotel for a distraction-free hookup to satisfy the need. If you’re having trouble controlling your urges, see your doctor.
Enhance your imagination.
The question is how do you bring up the idea of trying a new position or mild bondage. In the words of sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First, “Put the thing you’d want to accomplish in the framework of a romantic fantasy or dream that includes your partner.” For example, you might tell him that you had a crazy-hot dream about shower sex the night before or that you can’t seem to get this Fifty Shades-style idea out of your mind. Without a doubt, he’ll catch on.
Position yourself in accordance with your state of mind
Your hookups should be as diverse as your dates, ranging from romantic to passionate in nature. Depending on your mood, Kerner recommends experimenting with different sex styles. Do you yearn for emotional closeness and eye contact? Choose Missionary as your guide. Feel like tearing each other’s clothing off as soon as you walk through the front door? When up against a wall, choose Upstanding Citizen. Are you ready to take charge? Reverse Cowgirl requires you to climb to the top of the hill. You get the picture.
Put it in your iCal calendar.
We understand that arranging sex is a pain. Even simply giving yourself a mental pep talk may put you in a seductive frame of mind for the rest of the day. This prolonged foreplay may take the form of anything from wearing sexy new lingerie all day to having your eyebrows waxed or messaging your spouse about something you’re longing to do later, according to Walsh.
Dress for the mood
Kerner recommends taking advantage of pop-up Halloween shops, where you may pick up a few sexy items or perhaps a whole costume. It will offer you and your partner the opportunity to indulge in a dream while maintaining reduced inhibitions by dressing up in a completely new persona (whether it be a blonde wig and thigh highs or a seductive nurse’s costume).
Take it in turns
Kerner recommends turning foreplay into a giver-and-receiver game to make it more enjoyable. Set up a certain amount of time to spend with each individual, and then take turns doing whatever you or your spouse want. Then make the transition. Bonus: Making your spouse happy may make you even more enthralled.
Simply said, go for it!
When in doubt, take control. It’s wonderful to be a bit brash and aggressive if you’re a lady looking for a little more novelty, adds Kerner. Simply slow down and kiss your spouse before changing positions so that it does not seem as if you are criticizing their choices.
In my opinion, as a man, there isn’t anything that even comes close to the exhilaration that an orgasm may provide. Even though it gets a lot of media attention, the male orgasm is seldom discussed in depth, despite the fact that the strength of one orgasm may vary significantly from another. I believe that the majority of women are unaware of this.
Aiming to fill in the gaps in knowledge, I set out to find out what causes the most bone-rattling, foundation-shaking male orgasms, as well as what women might do to encourage them to arrive in their lives. The professionals were called in — a few sex therapists, as well as a large number of male friends. The men, at least, seemed to be waiting for someone to approach them with a question. This is all you need to know about assisting your man in having greater and longer orgasms, finally in one place.
Before we begin, please be aware that there will be shocks and seeming inconsistencies. It turns out that male orgasms are both as single-minded as they seem to be and yet a great deal more complex than they appear to be. Men are as sensitive to talent and technique as they are to mood, setting, and timing, and they are equally influenced by these factors. Having fun with the following methods — both for him and for you — is half the pleasure of seeing what works. Now you may go ahead and do your thing.
I believe the greatest mystery about men’s orgasms is that they show our vulnerability. That’s why they’re so sensitive to the weather; a little shift in the wind may convert a 10-gun salute into a popgun. Will, 30, a bank administrator, for example, adds that if he’s concerned about his work, he sometimes can’t attend at all.
Only one of the guys I interviewed for this article claimed he liked being brought to climax via oral sex, which surprised me. That’s an avenue I assumed would be near the top of most men’s hit list. It is, but only as a kind of foreplay.
We guys want the same things out of sex as women: love, acceptance, and closeness. Orgasm is the time when those needs are most exposed, and men — even married men — may feel uncomfortable being emotionally naked. Richard vividly remembered partners who gripped his butt and pushed him closer to them, as if they wanted nothing more than to fully consume him, when asked what methods caused his most powerful orgasms.
Paul, a 35-year-old businessman, described how his wife gently touches his face as he approaches. “It’s about her demonstrating that she really cares about me,” he adds. Therapists may go on and on about how to develop real intimacy, but a good place to start is tonight in bed. Make a sincere effort to tell your guy how much you adore him. Then cling to your life for dear life.
INFORM HIM THAT HE HAS THE NIGHT OFF.
For a guy, a successful orgasm is the sexual equivalent of a cool beer at the end of a long day at work: a gratifying reward for a job well done. In this situation, the job is to make you happy. The ego boost that comes from making our partners go insane in bed contributes significantly to men’s pleasure with sex.
The idea is that many guys won’t be able to enjoy their own orgasm until they’ve achieved that objective. Will adds, “Performing comes first; my orgasm comes second.” “There are moments when all I want to do is come, but my main objective is for my wife to find every sexual experience completely satisfying.”
Although this attitude is commendable — it is preferable for men to be too worried about their partners’ orgasms than to be completely unconcerned – sex therapists will warn you that it may still be a kind of intentional sensory deprivation. Many men deny themselves of the sexual abandon that generates the greatest orgasms by controlling their desire.
“Rather than a reciprocal sharing of pleasure, sex becomes a struggle to ensure she gets an orgasm,” says Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in Washington, DC, and coauthor of Male Sexual Awareness.
What is the solution? Allow your guy to have the night off. Encourage him to concentrate on having fun rather than worrying about taking care of you. There are two main approaches to this. One is to inform him as your lovemaking intensifies that you want this one to be all about him and that he should do whatever makes him happy tonight. The other is to get him to relax and enjoy himself while you do the work. According to sex therapists, this is a superior approach since it allows him to focus entirely on how he feels rather than what he’s doing. When he returns the favor another night, you should do the same: Ideally, you’ll alternate giving each other wonderful lessons in the art of orgasmic enjoyment on a regular basis.
One word of caution: many men, according to Michael Seiler, Ph.D., a marital and sex therapist at the Phoenix Institute in Chicago, find it difficult to let go of control during sex. Don’t be shocked if it takes some time for your spouse to feel comfortable handing over the reigns fully to you. Patience is key, but so is firmness. He’ll grow to appreciate it.
RESERVE THE GOODS — TONIGHT AND NEXT DAY
After a week on the road, every guy will tell you that abstinence is the most potent aphrodisiac on the planet. You may add to that pent-up, dying-to-make-love frame of mind even if he isn’t out of town by using sexual teasing techniques throughout the day. A sex therapist in Columbus, Ohio, Robert Birch, Ph.D., recommends “accidentally” flashing a little breast at him in the morning or making a lewd phone call to him at work. “Women may sow a sexual seed that will blossom into a greater orgasm that night,” he claims.
EXTEND YOUR STROKES AS LONG AS HE IS ABLE TO TAKE IT.
Within each bout of lovemaking, the same drive that turns a man into a beast when he returns home after a road trip is at work. As foreplay progresses, muscular tension increases and the vaginal region gets engorged with blood, resulting in a constantly increasing demand for release, according to Uri Peles, M.D., director of the Beverly Hills Center for Sexual Medicine. Because the contractions are either stronger or continue longer with greater pressure, the release is more pleasurable.
HIS DRIVE TO THE FINISH LINE MUST BE INTERCEPTED.
We guys know in our hearts that the longer the foreplay, the greater the climax, both for ourselves and for our partners. At the same time, we have this overwhelming want to just come, come, come! It’s built into our sexual circuitry over thousands of years, so we can’t stop ourselves.
You must assist your spouse in putting aside this evolutionary need so that sex may continue long enough for a really exciting climax to develop. Setting the tone for longer, more languorous sex, according to Linda De Villers, Ph.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in El Segundo, California, is to begin with a leisurely, sensuous back massage. As the celebrations continue, further delaying techniques may be used. Stopping for a little respite does wonders, but it requires discipline.
The woman-on-top posture is advantageous because it aids the guy in resisting the desire to push.
The “squeeze technique” is a time-extension strategy that may require some skill. Place your thumb on one side of the base of the penis and the tips of your index and middle fingers on the other, just before his orgasm seems near, and squeeze. After then, you may resume your joint climb to the peak.
ATTACK HIM WHILE HIS DEFENSES ARE DOWN.
The sneak assault is a corollary of the quickie concept: an element of sexual surprise may create a strong climax. You need to cut through the clutter and confusion of contemporary life from time to time. Job stress, money difficulties, child problems, and bedroom boredom may all get in the way of your man’s innermost desires. Spontaneity may be able to assist him come to his senses. On a Saturday morning, this is an excellent time to test it. Men are typically at their most calm and testosterone levels are at their highest at this time.
GO FOR HIS MOST PRECIOUS POSSESSION DIRECTLY.
It’s not politically acceptable to say it, but there’s just one male erogenous zone when climax is on the horizon, and you know where it is. “That’s not to say guys don’t want to be kissed or touched,” says Marilyn Volker, Ed.D., a sexologist in Miami. “But when it comes to climax, you may start and stop with the penis.”
It seems to reason that when males are looking for the most intense desire, they would seek out postures that offer the most direct penile stimulation and the greatest chances for penile thrust. “Rear entrance is the way to go for sheer physicality,” Carl, a 31-year-old environmental planner, adds. “There is more friction, and there is more depth… I really like it when my wife is on top, supporting herself, particularly when she does it backwards.”
Carl also adds another kind of penile stimulation that he enjoys: a woman’s vaginal squeeze after she’s completed her Kegel exercises. (Kegels help to strengthen the PC muscle, which you clench when you want to stop peeing.) “Suddenly, it feels like a hand is grasping you,” he adds. “Wow, that’s incredible.”
WITH A QUICKIE, SLAM-DUNK HIM
Arousal is a strange and strong emotion, and the frantic abandon of a short and sensual coupling may occasionally create a climax as intense as a lengthy session in the sack. This, I believe, has something to do with the centuries-old sexual circuitry we discussed earlier: Sex that isn’t accompanied by a ritual may tap into deep reserves of primal instinct. When my wife overcame me as I naively returned home from work one night, bits of clothes were strewn between the front entrance and the bedroom, and I experienced one of my greatest orgasms. I’m sure the fact that she was the one who started it all contributed to the conflagration.
EXPLORE THE PROHIBITED AREAS
There are other key places that, when aroused, may send us careening over the brink, as focused as we guys are on our penises. Some guys claim that having their testicles massaged as they approach intensifies the experience. “Women are more concerned about touching their testicles than they should be,” Adam, a 32-year-old insurance sales representative, adds. “It only hurts when you slam your fist into the testicles. It feels wonderful to have your scrotum massaged.” Other sensitive areas seem to be more dependent on personal preference. Carl remembers a lover who eagerly swallowed his fingers; Richard, 49, a writer and editor, enjoys it when his wife massages his nipples.
MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR WORDS
Have you thought about all the seductive things you might say to a guy? The dirtier, the better (spoiler warning). Don’t underestimate the impact of your words during foreplay, as they may set him up for something much more explosive.
REMEMBER TO RESPECT THE HOLY MOMENT.
There are two phases to a male orgasm. In stage 1, sperm from the testicles is collected and mixed with ejaculatory secretions in a staging region under the prostate gland. The moment of “ejaculatory inevitability,” as defined by Masters and Johnson, is when the man’s mother, priest, and previous girlfriend could all come into the room and his orgasm would continue as if nothing had occurred. Ejaculation is the second stage, which begins seconds later.
If at all possible, stay out of your man’s way while the phases play out. It’s acceptable to use methods that both of you are familiar with and like, but sudden, dramatic movements during climax are more likely to distract rather than emphasize. This is where a lot of moving comes in. Simply take a step back and let his orgasm unfold. “This isn’t the time to be fancy or imaginative,” Carl advises.
Once again, you’re faced with a conundrum: how can you discover fresh methods to drive your guy to the limit without disrupting his orgasmic concentration? Recognize that you must pick between experimenting on certain nights and going for the whole experience on others.
Formerly sedentary males who exercised for 60 minutes three times a week enjoyed significant benefits in the bedroom, according to a research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. They reported greater desire, improved performance, and more powerful orgasms, which they attributed to increased blood flow as their circulatory systems improved. Exercise has also been found to increase testosterone levels in both men and women, making both partners hornier.
PLAY WITH HIS HAIR ON HIS CHEST
Running your fingers through your man’s chest hair may not seem to do much, but you’d be mistaken – the region is so sensitive that even a simple act may make him go crazy. “Place your hand flat on their lower chest or tummy and run it up their chest until you get a handful of hair, keeping your palm on their skin. Begin with a gentle tug “Kait Scalisi, a sex educator and the creator of PassionbyKait.com, agrees. “Pulling in this direction activates nerve endings without causing a stinging sensation. You may also start at the back of their neck and work your way up their head.”