How to contribute positivity in a conversation
A discussion may be brought up for air or breathed new life into it by purposefully directing it to concentrate on a desired goal and energizing interaction in order to create good outcomes.
People are drawn in by a positive frame of mind that arouses their curiosity, imagination, and interest.. Those who believe this are incorrect in believing that they are concentrating only on the good.
As long as you are involved in negative dialogues, it is almost hard to perceive the possibilities, much alone see clearly all of the alternatives available to you. Positive framing is the process of “righting” your discourse—flipping the topic to address what you want to say or hear. A discussion may be brought up for air or breathed new life into it by purposefully directing it to concentrate on a desired goal and energizing interaction in order to create good outcomes.
People are drawn in by a positive frame of mind that arouses their curiosity, imagination, and interest.. Those who believe this are incorrect in believing that they are concentrating only on the good. On the contrary, it is about approaching even the most difficult problems in a manner that inspires everyone to come up with innovative ideas and take action.
A tool called Flipping is available to assist you in taking any issue or obstacle and putting it in a positive context. A three-step technique to shifting from a negative, deficit-based framing to a positive frame that allows you to work toward solutions by participating in discussions that are worth having is outlined below: This procedure is comprised of three steps:
Specify what you want it to be known as. What exactly is the issue, complaint, or item that you don’t want to happen?
It’s a flip. Was there anything you wanted that was the polar opposite of what you wanted?
It Should Be Framed The positive consequence of the flip being true is unclear; what is the intended result is not clear either way.
As an illustration from our book Conversations Worth Having, here is an example of how positive framing may transform a potentially critical or harmful discussion into a dialogue that is worthwhile. Mark, a mid-level manager of a Fortune 100 business, was getting ready to have a difficult talk with an employee who was very talented in her field of expertise.
There was one important issue to contend with. Her regular tardiness and missed deadlines for their weekly meeting were a source of contention for the group. Incorporating positive framing into his work has helped Mark to retain positive relationship dynamics with his colleagues while also addressing problems that are affecting the broader team’s performance. A positive feeling of well-being pervades the department, and the team as a whole thrives as a consequence. Rather of avoiding the problem of lateness, Mark decided to confront it head-on so that the team and the department’s great record would not be jeopardized.
Throughout the flipping process, he considered how he might move his initial depreciative frame to an appreciating frame and why. In order to fully understand the effect Melissa was having on the department, he took the time to thoroughly understand the consequences of her not being on time. Following is an outline of his thought process.
How did this come to be? Melissa arrives late and fails to meet deadlines on a consistent basis.
In this situation, what is the problem’s positive opposite? Ms. Melissa is a reliable worker who always arrives on time and completes tasks on schedule.
The consequences of Melissa being on time; what is the intended result Trust, mutual respect, and cooperation are high among members of the team, as seen by improved performance. We may maintain our brilliance as a result of all of these factors.
According to Mark, reframing increased his awareness and provided him with a more comprehensive understanding of how and why team members must be punctual. It also prompted him to consider if there were any other measures that might be taken to promote cohesiveness, as well as how he himself could make a more significant contribution to this effort.’ Did he miss opportunities to do things that would have set the setting for Melissa’s success and, in doing so, put her in a position of vulnerability? His state of mind and receptivity when Melissa came for their encounter were altered as a result of this.
During their first chat, Mark said, “Melissa, I want to make certain that we have a strong team that is built on trust, responsiveness, mutual respect, and cohesiveness because I believe it will enable us to be astonishingly successful as a result of our efforts.” Which of these statements is accurate?” “I agree; I hope I am helping to it,” Melissa said, a little hesitantly since she wasn’t sure where this was headed.
I hope I’m contributing in the best way possible to that as well, but I’m not confident in that.” Mark said. You and I seem to be on the same page here, which is great news. I appreciate all of your efforts, and your contributions are really valuable to our team. You are unquestionably making a positive contribution to our achievement. A problem has been brought to my attention, and I would appreciate it if you could assist me.
Whenever you are absent from meetings or when something isn’t completed on time, I get the impression that others are becoming irritated. You have critical knowledge to provide, thus they are unable to go ahead as a result. You are a highly regarded member of this group of individuals. In the long run, I’m concerned that their dissatisfaction will escalate and undermine the trust and cohesiveness of the group. Any suggestions on how we may be able to maintain our cohesiveness as a group?
Can you tell me if there’s anything I should be doing to make it happen?”
Even though Melissa was mortified by the situation, it seemed like Mark was receptive to her suggestions. “The meetings I’m late for are scheduled for 8 a.m. on Wednesdays, and I have a terrible time getting to work on time on that day,” she said. The only day I drop off my kid, Connor, at daycare is on that particular weekday morning and afternoon.
My husband takes him on the other days, but he can’t take him on Wednesdays because of his work schedule. I can guarantee you that if we could set our regular meeting for 8:30 or 9:00 a.m. on any other day, I’d be there on time.
“Is that all it’s going to take?” Mark wondered. We’re sure we can work something out. When our next meeting comes along, we’ll postpone.” His realization dawned on him that he had never inquired about the meeting’s time. “And, speaking of deadlines,” Melissa said, “I despise it when I miss them as well; that’s not the type of reputation I want to have.” Sometimes I’m just late, and I need to improve my ability to be on time in the future. Some members of the team, on the other hand, establish deadlines for themselves without fully comprehending what it would take to fulfill those targets. I know I should speak up when I know it’s unlikely I’ll be able to achieve the deadline, but I feel like I’ll be letting the team down if I don’t try.”
As he acknowledged that his own leadership had had a part in this dynamic, he said, “I want you to know that everyone of us has a portion of the blame in this situation. Taking responsibility for not including workers in choices regarding meetings is a must for me, and the team as a whole must ensure that anytime deadlines are established, everyone who will be affected by those deadlines is included. In order to fix this issue at our next meeting, I’ll assume responsibility.
You should speak out in the future if you believe a deadline is unreasonable, regardless of whether it has already been established and you are not there at the time of the deadline. Being a better team player is really a result of doing this. If we can’t modify the deadline, the team may assist you in brainstorming ways in which they can assist you in reaching the deadline. What do you think about that?”
It is easy to understand how consciously establishing a positive framing may alter the tone and direction of a discussion. This is something that we can all do in any discussion. Take a few additional minutes to flip our own thinking and perspective so that we may interact in ways that get us closer to the results we seek and benefit from is all it takes.
If you think about it, there have been moments when you purposefully started or ended a discussion in order to encourage genuine participation and connection in order to settle difficult difficulties. We’d be interested in hearing about what you did and how things turned out. When you share your experiences, even if they seem little, you will assist us all in seeing how simple it is to work together toward the common goal we all want.
Do You Make These 10 Conversation Mistakes?
Can you talk better? Certainly.
Lifelong talking patterns may be broken, but it takes time and effort.
Allow me to quickly summarize some typical conversational errors and remedies.
To discover more about improving your social skills and relationship behaviors, attend my 12-week Smart Social Skills Course.
As Ernest Hemingway stated,
“I like to hear.” Listening closely has taught me a lot. Most don’t listen.
Difficulty: Don’t simply wait to speak. Set aside your ego.
Instead of skimming over what others are saying, focus on what they are saying. A good listener will pick up on several possible conversational routes.
However, avoid yes/no questions since they provide little data.
You may ask, for example, if someone mentioned going fishing with pals last weekend:
How did it go?
What do you like about fishing?
Other from fishing, what did you do?
You’ll get additional information and options to pick from.
Don’t give up if they answer “Oh, I dunno.”
Prod harder. Reply.
They know, they simply need to think harder. The discussion gets more intriguing when they open up since it is no longer automatic.
A lot of inquiries might come off as interrogation-like. Like you can’t give much.
Alternately, use questions and assertions together.
Replacing the question with:
Getting out with friends and unwinding on a weekend is nice. In the park, we enjoy Frisbee golf with a six-pack.
“Nice. Last month, I went out on a friend’s boat and tested Sakamura’s new lures, “I like the blue ones.
The dialogue may then continue. You may also talk about Frisbee golf, lures, and your favorite beer.
An unpleasant silence or mood may occur while speaking with a new acquaintance or after the customary few subjects have been exhausted. Then again, you may merely feel tense or frightened for no reason.
In such a case, you have three options:
Keep abreast on current events.
“Never leave home without reading the newspaper,” Leil Lowndes said. If you’re short of ideas, bring up the latest news.
You should also keep up with contemporary water cooler issues. As in the newest Lost episode.
Take use of your surroundings.
An aquarium, a girl’s Halloween costume, or the host’s mp3 playlist? You can always start a fresh discussion about something local.
First impressions may be nerve-wracking.
That example, picture meeting one of your closest pals. Pretend this new acquaintance is a close buddy.
Keep in mind that you may not want to embrace and kiss immediately. But imagining this will make you happy.
Also, welcome and converse to this new individual with a grin and a comfortable attitude.
Just as you do with your pals. It may sound loopy or too basic.
But it works!
4. Bad delivery
Not what you say, but how you say it is crucial in a discussion.
In communication, your voice and body language are very important. Some ideas:
Sluggishly. We tend to speak quicker when we’re enthused about something. Slow down! It will help folks to listen and understand what you are saying.
Voicing. Not scared to speak loudly enough for others to hear.
Clear speech Don’t murmur.
Speak with feeling. No one pays attention to monotonous speakers. Allow your speech to express your emotions.
Using pauses It builds tension and expectation when you speak slowly and stop between ideas.
Improve your body language to improve your delivery. In 18 methods to enhance your body language, learn about laughing, posture, and holding your drink.
5. Taking the limelight.
My apologies for my many past transgressions.
It’s time for everyone to shine. In order to draw attention back to oneself, don’t interrupt someone who is sharing anecdotes or opinions.
Not until they’ve completed their skiing tale, share your finest skiing story with them. Learn to balance listening and speaking.
6.Need to be right.
Avoid debating and being correct on every point. A dialogue is not always a debate.
It’s more of a mood booster. Nobody cares whether you “win” every discussion.
Instead, relax and help spread the positive vibes.
Discussing odd or unpleasant topics.
Avoid some subjects if you’re at a party or meeting new people.
Avoid issues like terrible health, bad relationships, awful jobs, horrible bosses, serial murderers, technical jargon only you and another man understand, or anything that drains the conversation’s good vibe.
Save religion, money, and politics for your pals.
Don’t go on about your new automobile for ten minutes. Prepare to change topics if you start boring folks.
Or when everyone is bored and the issue has run its course.
Living an interesting life is one method to have fascinating things to discuss. And to look for the good.
No whining about your employer or work, no one wants to hear it.
Instead, speak about your recent vacation, a hilarious incident while shopping, your New Year’s Eve plans, your new blog or podcast endeavor, or anything else enjoyable and exciting.
Another option is real interest.
Da Carnegie said:
“You can make more friends in two months than you can in two years by attempting to get others interested in you. That is, be a friend to make friends.”
It’s wonderful to know a bit about everything instead of always attempting to bring the discussion back to your favorite topic.
Meaning: chatting for hours on end about one thing.
Work, favorite rock band, TV program, and more work.
The discussion will seem more casual and open if you don’t clutch to one subject. You will seem to be a person who can converse about everything.
This trait is something you like in a discussion and makes you feel like you can easily connect with that individual.
Say what you believe and feel.
If someone shares an experience, share one of your own. Don’t simply nod and respond in fragments.
In a chat, someone wants you to invest as well. You can’t always wait for the other person to initiate contact.
Be the first to open up and invest in the discussion when required. Replace certain questions with statements.
It makes you less submissive and more assertive.
10. Not much help.
You may feel you have nothing to add to a discussion. But try.
Listen carefully to what others say. Inquire. Make related claims.
Also, look. Improve your observation abilities to find intriguing things to speak about.
Expand your own knowledge bank by learning about new stuff. Read the articles and keep an eye out for new hot subjects.
To increase your communication abilities, work on your body language, speech, and rapport.
But relax. Don’t do it all. You’ll simply feel overwhelmed and question yourself.
Instead, identify the three most critical areas for improvement. Every day for 3-4 weeks. Keep seeing the change.
Your new behaviors will soon start popping up spontaneously in conversations.