You are enveloped in such a warm fuzzy sense of love.
You feel safe, content, and joyful.
Then it occurs. You’re thinking about something that’s troubling you and want to discuss it with your spouse. You broach the subject casually, unknowing that you are about to kick off an explosive emotional chain reaction.
Rather of responding to your question as you anticipated, your partner rejects the entire concept of your inquiry and has a negative reaction to it.
You are insulted and make a stronger case to him about why this is essential to you.
The more you attempt to explain, the more he defends his position, and the more his perspective enrages you. Words become accusatory, and passion takes the place of logic. You default to criticism, suffocating him—and there it is: Hate.
Without notice, love may transform into hatred in a matter of minutes. The person who is closest to you becomes the one who is the farthest distant.
Your common area has devolved into a battleground.
You are unable to bear each other’s presence. Your egos want to eradicate the cause of the anxiety that is now threatening your sense of self.
The internal system that is continuously calculating your profits and losses can’t stand losing.
How on earth did you go from two love doves to adversaries in the blink of an eye?
Is it due to hormones? Is it just the time of month?
Or is it his lack of empathy, your insensitivity, or his communication skills?
I’ve learned through the years that it’s none of the above. Something else is at work, something much more significant.
The Network’s Laws
I spent a lengthy period of time analyzing the patterns in my relationships. I observed how unexpectedly love and hatred, connection and alienation would come and leave. As with a volcano erupting or a hail storm, an argument would appear out of nowhere and wreak havoc.
I realized that I was not in control of this ebb and flow, that, like natural factors such as the weather, these unseen forces affected my relationships as well.
Following arguments with my spouse, I often found that it wasn’t just me. My friends were also going through comparable experiences.
There was something happening on here that transcended my own emotional existence.
For years, social psychology has maintained that, although we believe we are leading distinct, autonomous lives, we are really affected in ways we cannot comprehend by the social network to which we belong.
By the network, we affect one another through our actions, ideas, emotions, and our love and hatred.
Thus, anytime we experience distress, negativity, or imbalance, it is not a coincidence.
Beyond the conditions of the conflict, and regardless of how compelling the alleged cause for being furious is, there is a network in which we all live that influences us at all times.
My rage and irritation are a consequence of the network’s negative feeling.
It becomes much more fascinating when you consider that, according to Kabbalah’s knowledge, which is a study of linked systems, the network has its own life! It is governed by the law of love, and, like a vast superorganism, it is evolving, bringing us along on the ride toward deeper interconnection and ultimate unity.
The stresses we experience are a mechanism for this network to push us toward greater degrees of connectedness.
It generates these tragedies in our life in order for us to mature.
This is where we must be acutely conscious of the system’s influence over us.
We must never believe for a minute that what is occurring to us is a coincidence.
We must keep in mind that every occurrence, good or bad, and particularly hatred or turbulence, comes to us directly from the network…as an invitation!
It’s an invitation to develop and to connect more deeply.
Adapting to the Flow
When you see that what you are feeling is not yours, but rather is a product of a greater system of which we are a part, you get a unique understanding that enables you to channel your anger and work above it.
Rather of criticizing your spouse for his conduct, you remain detached from the situation. Rather than that, you rise beyond it.
You reject your natural inclination to persuade, complain, blame, or debate.
And when both of you make this conscious effort to fight your natural reaction, remembering where everything comes from and why it exists, something incredible occurs!
Above the barrier layer you’ve built, a new dimension of love and cooperation emerges.
As with any battery, plus and negative are connected through a resistor.
This is how nature generates energy and power.
Thus, any connection may be transformed into a powerhouse by accepting negative inputs, transforming them, and filling the system with good inputs in exchange.
This manner, all others who are linked to you will get this power, which will make it simpler for them to recall the game and work through their anger as well.
The Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Hatred and Negativity
The following is a summary and step-by-step action plan.
When negativity in your relationship manifests:
Acquaint yourself with the situation. When a bad scenario arises in your relationship, keep in mind that it is not YOU or THEM who are at fault.
It’s an OPPORTUNITY you’ve just been given by the network to find more love and GROW as a pair.
Believe nothing you see subjectively. After acknowledging that the situation is not your fault, attempt to rise beyond any internal blame directed towards your spouse. Bear in mind that regardless of how awful your spouse seems to you at the moment (rude, insensitive, cruel, or disgusting, etc. ), this is only temporary!! It is just a transitory condition that will vanish after it has passed. Contrary to popular belief, refrain from succumbing to it!
Defy the urge to respond automatically. As difficult as it may be to resist it, attempting to resolve a problem via explanation, persuasion, or demand is usually fruitless. Bear in mind that the whole purpose of the scenario is to overcome hatred and find new forms of love. The objective is to surpass the circumstances. Avoid being bogged down in minutiae. Later, when the emotion subsides, you may speak with your spouse about what matters to you in the relationship. However, avoid the temptation to critique for the time being.
Enjoy your liberty. Now that you’re fighting your natural urges, you should begin to feel liberated from the situation’s grip. You’ve developed a greater sense of self.
To demonstrate that you wish to rise above the issue, request a hug from your spouse. As you embrace, be aware of the creation of a new point of connection between you. The current issue has become your shared adversary, assisting you two in uniting and becoming more intimately linked.
Self-congratulate and partner-congratulate! You have succeeded in transforming hatred into love, for which the whole human network owes you!
Recognize defeat. Do not be concerned if you fail to complete any of these stages. This technique takes time to perfect, and often requires many unsuccessful efforts to resolve the issue “traditionally,” (that is, by attempting to alter your partner or fighting the situation away), which fail 99.9 percent of the time, before deciding to work above it. When you’ve determined that nothing else will work except loving your spouse as they are and rising above any bad impulses that occur in you, you WILL succeed!
Change Is Required
Today, there is so much hatred in our world.
Hate crimes, violence, and divorce are all indicators of an interconnected network filled with negative ideas, emotions, and behaviors.
We must learn how to deal with the negative elements that exist inside us in order to enlist their assistance.
Practice is required for this job. We must rewire our brains and learn to love more than we hate. However, if we understand this knowledge, we will be able to utilize negative emotions as a catalyst for good change, thus restoring equilibrium and spreading happiness across the world!
5 Reasons to Change Your Attitude From Hatred to Love
Given the choice between eating garlic or dying, I would most likely succumb to the pressure. My usual reaction to garlicky invitations, though, when I’m not faced with a life-threatening scenario, is: “No thanks, I don’t like for garlic.” Are there any aspects of it that I despise, however? Remember that it is a plant that is generally considered to be harmless. This is true even if the item has an unpleasant odor.
Using the “H” word on a regular basis is not unusual in our society. Our disdain for everything and everything, from cuisine to art and music—and most certainly politics—is expressed in this phrase. Because, as most of us are well aware, the border between love and hatred is very thin. We seldom have such strong feelings for the average person. Without a doubt, the doorways to love and hatred are adjacent in our vast sorting system. In addition, although all of these feelings have one very essential element in common—a burning want to accomplish something—they motivate us to do things that are radically different. Is it possible to transform hatred into love when the boundary between the two is so thin? Some compelling arguments for doing so, as well as some practical suggestions for getting started:
It is better to have less hatred than more hate.
In a well-known statement, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. stated: “I’ve made the decision to remain in love. I can’t take the weight of hatred. I can’t.” Aside from that, he was absolutely correct in terms of his health advice. According to research, being kinder may help to decrease stress, while hatred can frequently make it worse.. Many diseases, ranging from sleeplessness and digestive problems to cancer, are thought to be exacerbated by stress, according to research. Decreased hatred is also associated with improved psychological well- being. Wellness in our bodies and brains prepares us for better relationships, which may be gratifying on both a spiritual and a physical level as well.
2.A shorter life expectancy is possible with less hatred.
A study by Dr. Hamilton claims that the synthesis of oxytocin in the brain (which occurs as a result of emotionally gratifying relationships) may assist to decrease the levels of free radicals and inflammation, which can help to delay the aging process. According to him, compassion and the vagus nerve, which regulates inflammation in the body, have a relationship. It was discovered in a study of Tibetan Buddhists that kindness and compassion were anti-inflammatory agents.
3. We get a pleasant feeling when we are loved and kind.
When we transform our hate into love—or at the very least, kindness—our brain produces neurotransmitters such as dopamine, which may help us to feel better about ourselves and our lives. Hamilton asserts that a “A biochemical level, it is thought that the pleasant sensation we experience is caused by increased amounts of endogenous opioids, which are the brain’s natural equivalents of morphine and heroin. It is because they produce increased dopamine levels in the brain that we experience a natural high, which is referred to as “Helper’s High” in certain circles.
4. People that are kinder have higher levels of achievement.
Humans who are truly kind and compassionate, according to David Brooks of the New York Times, tend to be the most successful: “When pursuing our self-interested objectives, we frequently have an incentive to reward generosity with generosity, so that others would do us favors when we are in need.” Children who committed acts of kindness, according to a research published in Psychology Today, were more likely to be rewarded “During the four-week period, he acquired an average of 1.5 new friends, providing strong support for the notion that “nice men finish first.”
5. It is possible to be both creative and compassionate at the same time.
Even while we often associate great poets, writers, musicians, and painters with being maudlin and sad, recent study has shown a link between compassion and creativity. According to the findings of a study done by the University of Kent’s Centre for the Study of Group Processes, the arts have the potential to “be at the core of increasing our capacity for empathy, friendship, social connections, and care for others,” including future generations.
It may appear more difficult to transform one’s wrath into loving compassion than it really is. Some of the suggestions below, however, may assist you in turning hatred into affection:
1. Put yourself in service
We focus less about ourselves and the things that irritate us when we assist others. And helping others helps us feel good as well.
2. Pray and meditate
Taking some quiet time for self-reflection may assist to shed light on why we may be filled with hate and reveal methods to transform it. Even a few minutes each day may make a difference.
3. Consider something (or someone) you adore.
It is thought that hate and love cannot exist in the same mind, therefore when you are experiencing hatred, try thinking about someone or what you love, such as a family member, a pet, music, a particular location…
4. Maintain your presence
Often, our hate occurs while we are “unconscious.” We are allowing previous triggers or memories to influence our present behavior. We are better equipped to cope with our emotions if we remain in the present moment and observe them.
5. Do you really despise it?
Much of our aversion to things may be traced back to an experience we had a long time ago, similar to how we are often unaware of our actions. Perhaps it’s time to check in and see whether you really despise something as much as you believe. I “test” garlic on a regular basis to ensure that I still dislike it (and I most definitely do not like it).
6. Seek for the love in the midst of adversity.
Isn’t there a fine line between the two? And, as is frequently the case in marriages or relationships, we may adore someone while still finding them very annoying. Is it possible to enjoy the fact that you despise someone or something? Is there any difference in the experience as a result of this?
7. Receive more affection
Sometimes our hate stems from a desire to be liked. Spend more time with individuals who care about you, or volunteer at an animal rescue or sanctuary where animals readily offer you plenty of affection, and see if it alters your viewpoint.
8. Examine your nutrition
What we consume has a significant impact on every aspect of our existence. Food sensitivities and allergies may undoubtedly have an effect on our emotions. Caffeine, as well as meals rich in processed sugars and flours, may be harmful.