Do Divorce-Seeking Spouses Attempt to Change the Past?
Then, as I was sinking more and deeper into the abyss of my marriage, I came across a horrifying statistic: half of those who divorced afterwards expressed remorse for their choice and expressed a desire to have done more to save their relationships.
Because I am not a natural quitter, I was concerned that I would wind up in the regret percentile of the 50 percent.
Will You Have Second Thoughts About Your Divorce?
Is it possible that I’ll feel sorry later on for bailing out too soon? Is it possible that I didn’t put out enough effort? You should avoid regret at all costs, and most of the time there is no turning back.
That was a long time ago, and data on regret are hard to get by these days. However, more recent research have shown that, in fact, between 32 percent and 50 percent of persons regret making the decision to relocate. These individuals regret not putting in more effort into their marriages and for not remaining married.
The precise percentages vary depending on who conducted the research.
According to the Daily Mail, a British daily, a poll of 2,000 divorced men and women performed in the United Kingdom revealed that half of those who responded regretted their choice to divorce.
However, according to a 2016 relationship survey performed by Avvo, an online legal services marketplace, 68 percent of respondents (including a staggering 73 percent of female respondents) said they did not regret their divorce decision.
However, regardless of whatever statistical sources you chose to accept, my thesis stays the same. For those seeking ultimate freedom, regret is an unavoidable option that must be carefully considered before moving ahead. Unless you are in an abusive relationship (in which case you should get treatment, make a safe escape plan, and leave immediately! ), it is a good idea to allow your relationship a decent amount of time to develop.
You don’t want to be one of the 32 percent or 50 percent of individuals who wish they were still married to their husbands, and you can’t be. All I’m suggesting is that we should give it an honest, realistic opportunity rather than giving up and giving up.
In my particular instance, I took the correct decision to investigate. We did have a time of relative calm, but it was brief and plainly unsustainable in the long run. It took some time for me to come to the conclusion that leaving my spouse was the right thing to do, but I am comfortable that I gave it a fair shot and came to the proper conclusion after much consideration. I have no regrets.
I genuinely hope that you will be able to reach the same conclusion.
The following are some important questions to consider before calling it quits:
1. Is it worth giving this marriage another chance?
Look at your relationship with a critical eye and assess its current situation. Is it in peril or has it been irrevocably damaged? Is there too much harm and pain already done to the situation? Have you grown too far apart to be able to meet in the middle somewhere? Is the glue that held you all together no longer there to hold you together? Is there any kind of glue that you might use to hold yourself together?
2.Is it possible for you to give it another chance or are you completely exhausted?
Be completely honest with yourself. It takes a significant amount of time and energy to try to turn around a dysfunctional relationship. Making a symbolic gesture out of nothing is a fruitless endeavor. Take a few minutes to assess your current energy level.
Are you too exhausted to give it a shot? If this is the case, try taking a little break to think things through and replenish your batteries.
3. Is He Interested in Trying to Work Things Out?
A successful marriage requires the cooperation of both partners. If he doesn’t appreciate the connection, there’s no purpose in putting yourself through the ringer.
Is he serious in his desire to resolve the situation? Is he putting on a show to soothe you and keep you in the trap for the time being? Is he attempting to make aesthetic modifications while making no substantive adjustments? When it comes to communication, talk is cheap and deeds speak louder than words.
Consider the implications of this… What are his chances of resolving the situation? Really…
It is said that the path to hell is paved with good intentions, therefore just intending well is not sufficient. He must show his dedication to you as well as his capacity to work collaboratively with you in order to save your marriage.
4. Take a Hard Look at Yourself: What role do you play in the breakdown of your marriage?
While he may be upsetting you, it is possible that you are irritating him as well, without you realizing it. I was talking with my friend Lucy, a divorce lawyer, and she said that when clients detailed their grievances against their upcoming exes, she thought to herself, “I do that.”
Are you willing to examine yourself and identify the behaviors that you engage in that may be causing issues in your relationship? Are you open to exploring options for improving your relationship with your partner?
According to the Avvo research from 2016, which I previously mentioned, 64 percent of women polled believed their husbands were totally responsible for the breakdown of their marriages, compared to just 44 percent of men. Only 29 percent of female respondents, compared to 42 percent of male respondents, believed that both spouses shared responsibility.
A marriage is a gathering of two people. Take the leap from blaming to taking responsibility, and take the bull by the horns.
The purpose of our thoughts is not to vilify our partners, but rather to acquire understanding of why we have gotten ourselves into this situation and how to get ourselves out.
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